End Conflict Now In Your Business
So what causes 99% of confrontation then?
The need to be right!
You see when you or I are dealing with something in our life, we seem to want to be right - overtly or subtly. When you have two people wanting or needing this in a situation, we have confrontation.
Think of a time (YES RIGHT NOW) in your business where you were in dispute with a client or a staff member, what was it about?
- did they say something that you did not agree with?
- was their action in conflict with what you mutually agreed or expected?
- did you take offense because they neglected to think of you and are only thinking of themselves?
- did they not act in a way which is "common" sense or practice and put you in some sort of trouble or discomfort?
Guaranteed, it will be one of these four things! The next 3 questions I want you to ask yourself is;
- How did you react?
- Where did you come from with your argument or words? (heart or ego)?
- Who was speaking (you as a young child or you as an evolved adult)?
When you are honest with yourself, the answer to this question will most likely be something you are not 100% proud of, and you would not like your children to replicate (unless you are in denial). This is because now that the emotion is out of the moment, you are seeing it with more clarity and logic.
It will be quite evident to you that in some way shape or form, you felt "wronged" or wanted to feel/be right. This brings up emotion, which closes your rational and compassionate side we all possess as humans.
Now that you have this occasion clear in your mind, now run this memory through your conscious mind again and say to yourself, “what if I responded with KINDNESS instead of XYZ? How would the result have changed?”
Problem mindset: I need to be right and will defend this need at all times
Solution mindset: I choose to be KIND, as opposed to right when a confrontation begins
The Dalai Lama's core message to the world is for peace to be present, compassion needs to be prominent!
Being compassionate, means being empathetic and KIND. Every time I have practiced this when conflict arises, this is what has happened;
- the conflict dissolved immediately and the other person apologized
- the other party felt heard and acknowledged, hence the resolution came quickly
- we laughed about what was about to happen and got refocused on what our common objective was
- I gained respect for taking the stance of kindness, especially when I had the authority to be forceful and authoritarian
When conflict is beginning to arise, being KIND can look like this;
- "wow, it seems I have caused you trouble or a problem. I am sorry this is not my intention, how can I serve you in this situation?"
- "I think I have misunderstood you or the situation which I am sorry for, what I heard/ experienced was (........), was that your experience?"
- "you are right, this is a situation I would feel the same way. How do you think we can resolve this?"
Notice that these KIND responses will completely disarm the situation as the other person has NOTHING to defend. It is not about being right, it is about being KIND and solving the situation in a mutually agreeable situation.
You will gain more;
- better relationships
- empathy from others
- better productivity and results, as people will feel SAFE with you
This blog comes from the learnings and practical applications of my life, as well as the experience of my mentors. HENCE I am supremely confident it will produce for you, very similar results.
Try it, what is the worst that could happen with being KIND?
If you have a situation that you feel kindness would not work, please email me directly as I would love the challenge of helping you find a solution to it. ONLY if you are open to creating the best solution for you and your conflicting person/situation
Bring on the challenges ...
Have an amazing week
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Life as a business owner with a younger family, CAN BE HARD and we go through so many issues and face many internal demons daily. Let’s talk about these, bring solutions and collaborate, to solve the challenges and achieve what we want in life - peace, happiness and satisfaction, WHILE we grow our business!
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