I Just Realised I Have Been Playing The Victim

Do you play the victim in your life or is it just me?

Two weeks ago I set aside a full week to drop a lot of content out of myself into a book that I have wanted to write for a number of years. It was (and still is) a very cathartic experience for me as I really had to think about what is important for the intention of this book.

I have been coaching businesses around the world for the last 9 years and have run a number of my own for longer than that, all while learning so much information. The hardest part of writing my book is getting ALL the information I have gleaned into a concise and flowing ‘story’ that can make a positive impact on the reader (you).

In doing this, I am sharing a principle or concept called “Above and Below the Line”, which has made a serious impact on my life in the early years (it still does) and I have also taught this concept for years. The way I have delivered this has always been very specific to the context of the session I am in, so that the people “getting it” can relate to it and they understand its power!

When I was breaking down the 6 core elements, I got to the element of “responsibility” which is an above the line behaviour, “being” or response. I like to share it as being ‘response able” or the “ability to respond”. For some reason it really had me ask myself the question, how am I consciously living into this and what results am I gleaning from this?

Ouch!!

I realised in MANY, MANY subtle ways I was not being responsible, was blaming other people, circumstances, my environment, etc for negative things happening to me. Right down to when my 2 year old went walk about and I was scared big time, to when my 2 year old trashed the pantry as we had not locked it properly, to a sales person not joining my business to help me distribute my IP, to potential joint venture partners not following through, etc.

These are just a few things and the result of me being “irresponsible” or it is not my fault with any of these scenarios was very debilitating. What I mean by that is it has been having a real negative effect on my confidence and certainly my choices. I have been feeling so low a number of times each week for years that I have been making really bad personal and health choices during this same period. What this means is I am nowhere near the shape of body I want, I am not having the quality time and relationships I desire and the business success I aspire to with tenacity is laggard!

Not a pretty picture right?

Problem Mindset:  It is everyone else’s fault for everything that happens to me and I feel better about myself to blame other’s or deny it.

Solution Strategy:  For things to change I must change and I must take my part of the responsibility, so I feel GOOD about me.

So I have finally jumped out of the river of denial (the Nile) with this and taken responsibility. The nice thing about this is from my experience of working with thousands of people in the last decade with this stuff, we are ALL like this. WHY now you might ask?

Because I am sick and tired of feeling crap about me, about my results in life and about the people and environment around me.

A great mentor always said to me “For things to change, you must change Trent”, which always pissed me off as my victim mentality was “why do I always have to bloody change? What about them?”

However, he was right! Because as I become more aware that it is my responsibility and it is my FAULT (in the negative and positive) for all the results in my life.

When I share this with people, they say to me, “no Trent, don’t be too hard on you”. However, I look at it from a different perspective and that is if I feel it is my responsibility, that insinuates to ME that I have a level of control to cause or effect the events of my life. Now I like to be in control with things, so how cool is this approach to life. I control my own destiny and I choose my reactions and responses.

Hence I thought about you and thought, imagine if the people who take the time to read my blogs or do business with me, could get this distinction, how would it impact their world?

So ask yourself these questions;

• What little things do I consciously or inwardly ‘blame’ on others? (write at least 13 down)
• Where do I see myself as a victim in life? (write at least 7 down)
• How do I truly rate myself as a person, business person, life partner, father/mother? (out of 10 with 10 being the highest)
• What would it take to lift my self-assessed level in these 4 areas up by 1 or 2 points? (answer will always be by taking more responsibility)
• What 3 things could I do this week in each of these 4 areas to move my self assessment up?

Now put these in your diary, schedule or day planner and do them!

The whole point of this is to help you feel “BETTER” about who you are. To get more confidence. To get more control. To get a sense of progression towards your purpose in life.

To feel good!

Give it a go, I have and am blown away by the difference in my attitude and particularly people’s responses to me since undertaking this little exercise. Talk to you next week …

To your success!

Trent